Just Slightly Insane
by antishock
Summary: What do you get when you get a time/dimension hopping Hokage who is insane and loves his little notebook of death and waffle slaying magic, and put him at the roots of the tree; at the start of the Jyuubi era? You get peanuts, of course! Crossover with multiple material! Rated M for mature! Seriously, little kids, shoo!


_Time travel and Dimension hopping are the same thing. It's very much like a tree. The trunk is the main stream in time while the branches are alternative dimensions. Now, what do you get when you get a time/dimension hopping Hokage who is insane and loves his little notebook of death and waffle slaying magic, and put him at the roots of the tree; at the start of the Jyuubi era? You get peanuts._

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, Fairy Tail, Death Note, or any other copyrighted material. They all belong to their rightful owner, and an attempt to sue me will end in a waste of time.**

o0O0o

**Just Slightly Insane**

**Chapter 1: Where's My Waffle?**

o0O0o

He stared into the man's eyes, the flame in it glowing brightly. Then he laughed. His laughter filled the forest that he was exploring just to find one thing...

"You think you can defeat me! YOUR PUNY DRAGON SLAYING MAGIC IS PATHETIC! FACE THE STRENGTH OF THE WAFFLES!" A blond with bright blue eyes and three whisker marks on both sides of his face bashed his head onto his opponent's.

The pink haired boy let out a small, "Oof," as he felt his head almost crack in half. He cringed at the pain, but he had to stand it! He needed to protect his nakama! The pink haired boy pulled back his hand and prepared to use his dragon slaying magic on the S-Class criminal.

"**FIRE DRAGON: IRON FIST!" **Flames gathered in the onyx eyed boy's right hand with such intensity that the grass around him slightly burned. The boy, named Natsu, slowly charged more magic into his hands as he glared at the criminal, Naruto Uzumaki, who was standing there amused. Natsu jumped forwards, his fist ready to beat the crap out of the damn arrog-

"**ELEMENTAL WAFFLE: BUTTER FIST!" **Natsu was surprised when an attack similar to his own met his fist. Natsu looked at the substance on the blonde's hand, and smirked when he remembered that fire melted butter. He charged more magic into his fist and watched, satisfied as his attack seemingly over powered the opponent's. Key word, _seemingly_.

The butter grew rapidly on the fist of the whiskered boy until it spilled over onto the Fire Dragon Slayer's own hand. The butter covered all of the fire which effectively blocked its oxygen source. The flame dwindled, and then died out.

"Huh," was all Natsu could say before he was blown away by a, "**ELEMENTAL WAFFLE: SYRUP ROAR!" **Naruto watched as the young adult flew far off into the sky until only a twinkle was seen.

_Now where does this seem familiar... Oh yeah, those weird guys called... Team Rocket? Meh. Wait... NUUUU! I DIDN'T ASK THE BOY WHERE HIS GUILD TOOK MY WAFFLES!_

Naruto quickly took out a note book from his pocket along with a pen and opened up the notebook. He wrote down the name, "Natsu Dragneel," and set the conditions to make Natsu give him his preciouses... back! Before the pink haired boy died, of course.

Naruto felt a faint tugging, urging him to go flying? "Meh," Naruto commented, "I've always wanted to fly anyways! UP UP AND AWAY!" Dragon wings popped out of the blue eyed boy as he flew into the sky, traveling over the... candy cane forest? Is that a unicorn over there?

As Naruto flew higher and higher, he was sucked into a black hole that just randomly appeared. As it was fading away, a faint voice could be heard.

"WHEEEEEEEEE!"

* * *

In another dimension that Naruto had been trying to find for years, a black hole popped up, and the whiskered boy fell out.

30 kilometers in the sky, of course.

"WOOOOOHHHHHHHOOOOOOO!" the boy screamed out in joy as he fell down from the sky. His fall ended, however, when he landed on a huge wooden beast's head. Naruto, uninjured due to insane training compared to Gai's standard, stood up from the beast's head and looked around.

"Err... Isn't this the Jyuubi?" The boy then realized that it REALLY was the Jyuubi. Naruto pulled a rainbow chain out of his asshole and plunged it into the Jyuubi's brain. The Jyuubi instantly stopped at the intrusion in its head. Unlike most thought it would, the Jyuubi did not roar.. It just stood still... Hmm, now what could be the cause for that?

"GIDDY UP, COWBOY!" The Jyuubi instantly started to sprint in a fast trot, running over everything in its path. Including a man with purple eyes with rings inside of them, who was bent on sealing the Jyuubi itself.

"SORRY!" Naruto yelled down at the nearly dead Rikudo Sennin as he drove off into the sunrise, his ever so faithful horse/beast carrying him.

A faint yell was sent towards Naruto by the purple eyed man. "IT'S OKAY!"

* * *

"Hmm, now where am I," Naruto mused out loud as he jumped off the Jyuubi, pulling the chain out of its head as he fell down. As soon as the rainbow chain came out, the Jyuubi used its newly gained freedom to roar at Naruto. "Ya ya ya," Naruto said as he faced towards the powerful Bijuu. "**ELEMENTAL WAFFLE: STICK OF CRUST!" **A huge stick of crust from bread came out of Naruto's... better left unsaid, area. The attack knocked the Jyuubi down, instantly evaporating it.

"HA! I KNEW THE JYUUBI WAS MADE OUT OF WAFFLES! BUT NOOOO, THEY NEVER BELIEVED ME!" Naruto said before turning around towards an area where he felt human chakra.

Then, out of nowhere, a random OC appeared out of the authors lovely, sane mind. The boy, most likely an 8 year old looked at Naruto with such awe that it would've made Naruto blush. To bad that the peanuts the boy was eating ruined it.

"Mr., did you really beat up the meany mother fucking bastard who is made out of shit?" The question was quite innocent, as expected of an 8 year old. Ah, the beauty of nature, creating a lovely being such as the boy.

"YOU! YOU! YOUUUUU! YOU DARE EAT PEANUTS IN FRONT OF ME! DIE!" Naruto slammed the kid with his **Stick of Crust** and propelled the boy into the air. Ah, the beauty of nature indeed.

* * *

Naruto walked up to the gates of the village he sensed. He noticed the guards stiffen up, scared of a battle that might come.

"Identification, please," the guard on the right asked. Naruto looked at the guard horror stricken.

"HOW CAN YOU NOT KNOW ME! I COME FROM THE WEST AND THE EAST, FROM THE NORTH TO THE SOUTH, BRINGING LADIES WITH ME! I'M THE ONLY PERSON WHO COULD ATTRACT THE MAGNIFICENT LADIES EVERYWHERE! The Misa girl was pretty good. Lucy was way better though... ANYWAYS, I AM THE GREATEST MAN TO EVER BE BORN, THE ONLY PERSON WITH THE NATURAL TALENT TO BE AWESOME! I AM THE GREAT FOX TOAD SAGE! I AM NARUTO FUCKING UZUMAKI, DAMNIT!" The guard looked a little confused at the introduction. "Wait, you honestly don't know who I am?" The guard shook his head, a bit scared when Naruto's grin turned to a malicious frown.

"Fine then," Naruto muttered as he took out his handy Death Note. "So what's your name?"

"Jin Hyuuga!" the guard said quickly, unnerved at how the blonde was looking at him.

"Oh wow, you arrogant bastards have already been born? Meh, atleast you don't have your Byakugan yet. Thank the Wafffle that you don't know how to use chakra yet. Hmm, so Jin Hyuuga? Thanks." Naruto furiously scribbled the man's name down into the notebook. Just as he was about to close it, an evil idea hit his head. He wrote down a certain condition.

Fourty seconds later of unnerving quietness, Jin's eyes went dull and lifeless. Jin's body however did not become lifeless and instead turned to the other guard.

"Uhh, Jin, can you please stop scaring me?" the second guard said.

"Take off your pants and underwear," was his answer.

"Wai', HUH!" The guard didn't have anytime to react as Jin rushed at him and pulled down his under garments. "WHAT THE FUCK JIN! TAKE MY DICK OUT OF YOUR FUCKING MOUTH YOU FAGGOT! YOU KNOW I'M NOT GAY!" The guard struggled to get his dick out of Jin's mouth, but the Hyuuga had an unnatural grip on the guard. Then Jin stopped moving, dead from a heart attack. The guard watched as Jin had a heart attack, and he used that to his advantage to get Jin off. Once Jin's body lied limp on the floor, the guard pulled out a dagger.

"I CAN'T LIVE WITH THIS DISGRACE! TELL MY WIFE THAT I LOVE HER!" he plunged the dagger into his heart, dying in a few seconds.

"Mission accomplished!" Naruto said as he blasted the gates open. "YOU BETTER BE PREPARED WHATEVER THE FUCK THIS VILLAGE IS CALLED, CUS NARUTO UZUMAKI IS COMING!" Screams could be heard the following night. Mostly from the village's hotties. Mostly.

* * *

"Please! I'll do anything; I'll even join you and your religion! JUST DON'T KILL ME!" a fat man screamed as he stared into the evil eyes of Naruto Uzumaki.

"So, you'll join me?" Naruto asked, eyeing the man.

"YES! JUST LET ME LIVE! I KNOW; MAKE ME YOUR SECOND IN COMMAND! I CAN GET YOU THE LADIES, MAN! THE LADIES!"

"Oooh... the ladies... OKAY DOKE! FIRST, TO JOIN THE WAFFLEANITY RELIGION, YOU HAVE TO CHECK IF YOU CAN FLOAT OR NOT! FIRST TEST UP: **WHIRPOOL STYLE: RAGIN' SEA!" **Naruto watched as the man disappeared and reappeared in the middle of a storm in the sea. Naruto teleported along with the man, and he stood on the water, watching the man drown.

"Damn," Naruto muttered. "I really thought he was going to float..."

* * *

Naruto walked through the plains for what felt like hours, exploding random cows along the way. The journey was very tedious with no new playmates to... _play_ with... Finally, after a few more minutes, Naruto saw something in the distance. At first it was a black dot, but then it grew closer. Naruto stopped and tried to look closer, and then he realized that the black dot was moving. It was moving to him! Naruto patiently waited, not wanting to scare off his soon to be, new friend!

Finally the dot took form, and it looked like a person in a cloak. Naruto, tired of waiting started to edge closer at a fast pace. Finally, in a few seconds they met.

"Hey, I know you! You're the guy I ran over with the Jyuubi!" Naruto accused, pointing his finger at the now revealed, Rikudo Sennin.

Rikudo Sennin similarly pointed his finger at Naruto and said in almost the exact words, "Hey, I know you! You're the guy who ran me over with the Jyuubi!" Riku then lunged at Naruto and grabbed him by the shoulders. "How did you control the Jyuubi!" he exclaimed.

"So young one, you want to learn the way of the rainbow ass chains?" Naruto said in a sagely voice. Riku eagerly nodded his head like a children who was about to get a treat. "First, we must get... wait for it... DRUNK!"

* * *

"S-hic-o, n-hic-o-hic-w wh-hic-at d-hic-o we d-hic-o?" (So, now what do we do?) Riku asked in a drunken tone, his eyes glossed over from the amount of sake he consumed.

"W-hic-el-hic-l, n-hic-ow w-hic-e d-hic-o all o-hic-f th-hic-e zo-hic-dia-hic-c s-hic-igns i-hic-n all o-hic-rde-hic-rs p-hic-oss-hic-ibl-hic-e!" (Well, we do all of the zodiac signs in all orders possible!) Naruto explained in his drunken haze. Riku lazily picked up his hands, and in a quick succession, did five different patterns of all the zodiac signs. He continued on until he finished it all.

"S-" Before Riku could even say anything, he farted. Then he farted again. And again. It kept on rapidly coming, not stopping to give Riku even one second to catch his breath. Finally, after Riku figured out what it felt like to have a baby, a huge fart came out of his ass along with a rainbow chain. "Oh wow," Riku said, his drunk thoughts somehow gone. "So, does this mean I can control the Jyuubi now?"

Naruto shook his head sadly as he looked at Riku, and he said in a clear voice, "I am sad to say that our poor friend Jyuubi has passed on to the afterlife... R.I.P. my old friend. Oh fuck it, I'll just make two Jyuubis!" Riku, who was distraught at the death of the Jyuubi instantly looked up with a hopeful gleam in his eyes.

"You would really make two Jyuubis just for us!" Riku asked, albeit he did ask cautiously, looking at Naruto's eyes, searching for any sort of lie, but he found none.

"YES MY FRIEND! HOLD MY HAND AND LETS DO THIS TOGETHER!" Naruto proclaimed as he stood up from his stool in the bar he was sitting at. People were already staring at him weirdly...

Riku took ahold of Naruto's hand, and knowledge of how to make a Jyuubi entered his mind. "Are you ready?" Naruto asked Riku. Riku, in response, just nodded as they got ready to chant.

**"WAFFLES, WAFFLES, WAFFLES, WAFFLES, WAFFLES, OH WAFFLES, WAFFES ARE AWESOME, PEANUTS ARE DISGUSTING, WAFFLE WAFFLE WAFFLE WAFFLE WAFFLE! JYUUBI X2!" **they both yelled in unsion.

Instantly after they finished, two Jyuubis fell out of the sky and squished everyone in the bar except Riku and Naruto. "ONWARDS!" Naruto said as he jumped onto the orange Jyuubi and stuck his chain in the head. A few seconds later, both Naruto and Riku road into the sunset each with their own respective Jyuubi.

* * *

**A/N Suggestions needed for what Naruto should do next. I have no need for a beta; I go back and check my grammar about 50 times, and if I still miss something, oh fucking well. Seriously, give me the suggestions. I'm apathetic -it's hard to make good funny ideas. Also, what should I add from another anime, manga, or game? As long as it's kickass, I may add it and I'll give a shout out! Also, no suggestions in the review section, P.M. them to me! **

**Kono messēji o kaidoku shiyou to shite iru sayōnara anata pīnattsu!**


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